‘Seeing what had happened, Abba Apollos confronted him, and asked him where he was going and why he was so troubled. Although he realized that the holy man knew what was wrong with him, he was too ashamed to say anything. Abba Apollos then said to him: “Return to your cell, and in the future recognize your own weakness. The devil has either not noticed or has despised you, and so not thought you worth fighting. Not that there has been any question of a fight: you could not stand up to his provocation even for a day! This has happened to you because, when you received a younger brother who was being attacked by our common enemy, you drove him to despair instead of preparing him for battle. You did not recall that wise precept: ‘Deliver them that are being led away to death; and redeem them that are appointed to be slain’ (Prov. 24 : 11. LXX). You did not even remember the parable of our Saviour, which teaches us not to break a bruised reed or quench smoking flax (cf. Matt. 12 : 20). None of us could endure the plots of the enemy, or allay the fiery turmoil of our nature, if God’s grace did not protect our human weakness. Seeing, then, that God has had this compassion for us, let us pray to Him together and ask Him to withdraw the whip with which He has lashed you. ‘For He wounds but binds up; He strikes but His hands heal’ (Job 5 : 18). ‘The Lord kills and gives life; he brings down to the grave and raises again…. He brings low and lifts up’ (1 Sam. 2 : 6–7).” After Abba Apollos had said this and had prayed, the attack which had been launched against the elder was at once suspended. Finally, Abba Apollos advised him to ask God to give him “the tongue of the learned” so as to know “how to speak a word in season” (Isa. 50 : 4).”

Abba Moses—Philokalia

It all collides together. The man I am now, the places I visit whether physically or in the thoughts, in some way fashion my heart, my mind, my soul; who I am. Finding pleasure, of the kind associated with porn, means finding enslavement, the fix that over time becomes like a drug. You move from one clip to the next, desiring to see more…to find another human, to smash as an object of fantasy, in a land of deception.

If I ever find a wife, in her eyes will I see the land of fantasy and deception, where I resuscitate once again the humans and sacrifice them as *objects* of pleasure, or will I see my wife. My wife, a human, fashioned in the image of God, a person of whom sexual expression is shared with as an extension of our love.